In the moonlight, we let it go
by 116788
Summary: One Shot. -Ten minutes before we have to perform. I breathe in and out. I try to call the calmness over me. It doesn't work. A camera is shoved, almost, into my face, capturing my nervousness. This doesn't help either. Hans comes standing next to me. I look at him. He smirks and bends over. "Elsa." He whispers. "Change of plans." Oh god.-


"You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching.  
Love like you'll never be hurt.  
Sing like there's nobody listening,  
and live like it's heaven on earth."

-William W. Purkey

* * *

I am busy warming myself up. Preparing myself for our big night. Tonight is it. The final rounds. The final rounds of the Olympic Winter Games. It _has_ to go well. We practised so hard for this. I can still not believe how we got here. I mean, I practiced my butt off for it, that's one thing, but standing here with _him_ ? I never could have imagined two years ago. And I still can't. I mean, _he_ , the arrogant, self aware, cocky, sly and snarky prick of a guy ? Now standing a few feet away from me doing push ups so that he can lift me during our performance together. Has he changed ? Not that I think, no. But maybe he has just gotten to terms with it. I don't know. He won't change. He won't ever. But at least he's not trying to make things more difficult than they already are.

Our coach, Jane, walks up to us. She smiles. She tries to get us pumped up for our performance, I get it, but it doesn't really help. I get even more nervous. I don't need people to cheer me up during nerve wrecking moments. I don't need shoulder pats and hugs, except from my sister. I need complete and utter silence. I need to concentrate myself on my moves, when my cues are and the speed in which I will rotate during my jumps. I need every bit of silence there is, but none is given to me.

I see my sister walking up to me. She hugs me tightly. I appreciate it. She puts her two thumbs up. "Good luck, Elsa." She grins widely. I smile at her. She has been so supporting of me the last couple of years. I couldn't have done it without that sweet girl.

"Thanks, Anna."

Ten minutes before we have to perform. I drink some water, not too much, I don't want to get my bladder too full. Another couple is on the ice currently. They are really good. I breathe in and out. I try to call the calmness over me. It doesn't work. A camera is shoved, almost, into my face, capturing my nervousness. This doesn't help either. Hans comes standing next to me. I look at him. He smiles and bends over. "Elsa." He whispers. "Change of plans."

Oh god.

"Listen, I'm gonna go on the ice by myself. You just wait for your cue, alright ?"

 _No. Not alright._ How can I wait for my cue if I don't know what it'll be ? What the heck is his plan ? He can't just deviate the program ! "No." I simply say. "We can't afford to deviate or we will be out. Is that what you want ?"

He groans and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Aw come on Els, loosen up for a bit !"

"This is the Olympic finals ! I can't _loosen_ _up_." I snap. I cannot understand this, seriously, out of all the programs he can decide to fuck it up, he choses _this_ one ?! "Don't you understand what this means ? We're standing in the same place as that goddamn gold medal is ! I wanna go home with that thing around my neck !" I hiss. I am so done with this.

He growls. Just as he is about to open his mouth to start arguing, a male voice through the intercom announces us.

 _"Hans Martens and Elsa Anderson. Both from the Arctic Skating Club of Arendelle, presenters of Norway. Winners of the Junior Worlds, winners of the JPG Finals and winners of the Grand Prix Finals. Please welcome, Hans Martens and Elsa Anderson !"_

The audience applauds. I sigh deeply. This is it. My heart is racing in my chest. I look at Hans. "Stay here and wait for your cue." He says bossily and skates through the rink to loosen up his muscles and to get used to the ice.

He stops right in the middle, leaving everybody in confusion on why he's alone. He bows into position. One foot in front of the other. His hand graceful on his chest, the other on his lower back. The music starts. A guitar. This is not the music we practised on. This is not the music our coach selected for us. _Of course it isn't, why can't we do something that's according to the plan for once ?!_ I sigh deeply. _Hans, what the **hell** are you doing._

I would have trusted him. I would have. If he did not had let me down so many times. Like that one time during the JPG half rounds. He just left because something wasn't going like he wished and he just _fucking_ left. I couldn't go and perform as a single. We were a pair, we would be announced as a pair. I was left in the rink, alone. Being already embarrassed enough, the media decided to pay us extra attention and interviewed me that day why my partner had left. Of course I was left speechless, I can never talk in front of a crowd, let alone a fucking camera knowing that this probably would be on the news. So instead of answering the questions, I packed my things and I just ran off. Later that day, I swore that I could've killed him. How dare he, leaving me hanging. I worked so hard for it. And he just packed his stuff and left. I didn't talk to him for a month after the incident.

The first few tunes of the song play out. Shots, Imagine Dragons. I realise that I know that song, whenever he was early, he used to warm up to this song. It is one of his favourites, this much I know. Hans rotates three hundred sixty degrees. He spins on one toe. His hand reaches to the sky.

I have to admit, he looks gorgeous in that new outfit. A white, long sleeved blouse with the top buttons open, just enough to give us a tiny view of his chest hair. Black tight pants are on his legs and give them great length. The gold embroidery on his upper legs is simply stunning. His reddish hair is combed back and lays on his scalp perfectly. Nobody can compete against him with that look. I look at my dress. My blue, very thin, dress. It ends a few inches under my hips. The material is super thin but gorgeous. I shiver now I think about it, I cannot get this thing ripped or it'll be a very short life. My shoulders are bare but my sleeves are long and wide. My blonde hair is in a neat up do, so that it won't get in the way during spins and jumps. My bodice is decorated with tiny diamonds, fake though. The back of my bodice is held together with white lace. Anna said we looked gorgeous. I'm not even gonna argue with her. Jane had us these clothes tailor made. Presentation is fifty percent of the job, she always says.

Hans continues his short solo performance. He pushes himself forward and glides over the ice. He turns and skates backwards. The sound of an electric guitar plays along his movements. A short twizzle left and a short twizzle right. This is not what we practised, at all. _Is he improvising ?!_ Drums pick up.

 _-I'm sorry for everything, oh everything I've done...-_

I let out a sarcastic snort. _Oh sure you are._ I'm not stupid to not realise that this is his apology towards me, how original. He can't even tell it in his own words, no, he has to put up a goddamn song with singers to sing it _for_ him !

Hans ends up in the middle of the rink again and spins three times before he slams his toe in the ice and comes to an immediate stop. He reaches his hand out to me. His chest raises and falls in anticipation of my reaction. His emerald green eyes plead. This is it, this is my cue, I realise. I can hear the audience hold their breath in. The music continues, if I don't go on the ice right now, the verse will start, with or without me. And I... I just can't do that. I inhale deeply as I put on my fake smile. Slowly, I make my way onto the ice, ever so elegant and stop right before him. He smirks and relieve washes off his body. I answered to him. Shit. That was not what I wanted, but I had to. Otherwise we'd be out.

Hans bows deeply before me and takes my hand. He leans one knee on the ice. _Such a 'prince'._

 _-Am I out of touch ? Am I out of my place ?-_

Hans skates a few rounds around me and then pulls me to him as we glide over the ice. The ice is hard and smooth. It feels great under my skates. The cool wind blows softly in my face. Just move along, a voice in my head says. Whatever he does, I'll follow. He's the leader now. _He probably had that planned out from the beginning._ He smiles. Relax, his eyes inform me. But I can't, I've never been good at improvising. I'll mess this up... Shit. I turn on my foot. Backwards cross overs. He is still holding my hand. His hand is big, strong and warm. _No, stop thinking like this Elsa. Get it together._ His strength must be from all the work outs, I keep repeating in my head.

 _-When I keep saying that I'm looking for an empty space.-_

He pulls me to his side and then motions for me to turn on my foot again so that we'll skate forward. I do as he says. We fly over the ice.

 _-Oh, I'm wishing you're here, but I'm wishing you're gone.-_

"Triple throw jump." Hans whispers in my ear as he places his hands on my hips. Right. We move into position. I lean down a little to maximise his throw. His strong hands feel _so_ right on me. Damn.

 _-I can't have you and I'm only gonna do you wrong.-_

Hans throws me high into the air. I rotate as fast as I can. One, two... three. I land hard on the ice. My leg bends under my weight and I push out my arms to maintain balance. This is a jump that we were having a lot of trouble with. But now we did it. And we did it right ! Why ? _Because I trusted him with all my heart... for once._ I smile bright, I can't help it but to feel proud of us. Hans' hand is on my shoulder. He pushes me backwards while he skates forward.

 _-Oh, I'm gonna mess this up. Oh, this is just my luck. Over and over and over again.-_

I raise my eyebrow. _How ironic._ I have the feeling that this song might have been a better choice than the one Jane picked out for us. A classical number.

We messed up a lot of times actually. Hans and his never ending anger outbursts. But I was to blame too. I wasn't easy, I know that. It's just that, whenever we practise, it needs to be clear and according to a tight and strict schedule. And Hans just can't handle that. He mostly just fools around the rink, we practise a couple of jumps and then he goes back to free skating again. I mean, I've put up with this for two years now. Why can't he just do a normal routine for once ? Why does everything have to be without a schedule. _"Elsa, don't be such a stiffy. Come on, feel it, feel the music. Feel it and then you just dance along !"_ He once said to me. But... I just can't.

 _-I'm sorry for everything, oh everything I've done !-_ The music screams through the rink.

I feel Hans' hand leaving mine. Fear creeps into my stomach. Oh no. Now what ?

 _-From the second day I was born, it seems I had a loaded gun.-_

Hans turns around on his skates, bend over and touches the ice with one hand. It seems like he brushed it. To pat it, to compliment it ? _'Let it go.'_ Hans' voice rings through my head. I shrug and decide to skate around him and try to be as elegant as I can. I briefly touch my hand on his cheek only to let go again immediately after our skins made contact. Disappointment is clearly visible in his eyes as he skates after me. He has never looked at me so longingly than he does now. What's the catch ? I can't seem to get rid of that tiny sarcastic voice in my head. _No_. I shake my head a little. _Don't think like that. Give him a chance... his thousandth chance._ I sigh.

A new idea pops up into my mind. I decide to tease him a little. I jump a few times shortly after one another in the air and turn occasionally around to see that he's right behind me. He's following like a bloodhound.

 _-And then I shot, shot, shot a hole through everything I loved. Oh I shot, shot, shot a hole though every single thing that I loved !-_

When we fist met, he already had been a rude and arrogant prick. He pretty much bossed me around and said that his only goal was to win gold at the Olympics. I tried to be cooperative that day. I really did. But I guess he already hated me from the start because he never said anything nice to me. I couldn't believe that he was that kind of person. I thought that maybe he did have a soft side that just needed to come out, over time. But it never did. He stayed the hars, cold, selfish man he'd been at our first introduction. And I had gotten to terms with it. He would never change, would he ?

"Elsa." His soft voice brought me back to the present. Right. Figure skating. I blink a couple of times. 'Sorry', I mouth. He places one hand on my side and with his other, he grabs my hand. He pushes me and spins me around.

 _-Am I out of luck ? Am I waiting to break ?-_

Hans spins me around one more time before he pushes me hard over the ice. He stays where I was a second ago. His arm reaching to me, he waits another second before he comes to skate after me.

 _-When I keep saying that I'm looking for a way to escape.-_

I turn on my skate. Backwards cross overs. He glides behind me. "Triple Lutz." He whispers. We get into position. Turn forward. Turn backward. Foot into the ice. Jump. Rotate. Land. The audience cheers, a sign that the jump was a succes. Hans is right behind me. He nods in approval. I have to admit, the music he picked out, is kinda catchy. I start feeling my body moving along the rhythm. I like this song. _Wait, what ?_

 _-Oh I'm wishing I had what I'd taken for granted. I can't help you only when I'm gonna do you wrong.-_

We skate next to each other. He pulls me into a spin again. We glide diagonal over the ice as we continue to spin, each other's arms around each other's waists.

I used to do this with Anna a lot back home. We held each other's hands and ran around in circles to feel the wind blow in our hair and our surroundings become a blur. Anna's laughter rings through my head. Her clear, high pitched happy laughter. She was so happy. She's always happy when she's with me. She always smiles, gives me that one push to work harder, helps me up when I fall and doesn't care that I have flaws. She is a great sister. And I would do anything to make her laugh. As long as she's happy, then I'm happy too.

Hans dances on the other side of the rink. I smile. He looks so careless and free. I copy his movements. We spin a couple of times and then skate towards each other again. I hold out my arms. The music sweeps me away. I love this, I realise. I love dancing along the music. And right then, I realise that this is what he had been planning on all along. I decide to not look and listen to the crowd anymore but to focus my attention completely on him and the music. He, who takes care of me, who pulls me through the rink, he, who lets me free myself.

"Triple Axel, followed by a double Lutz and a single toe loop." Hans whispers in my ear and winks an eye at me. I feel myself melting completely. _Oh god._

 _-Oh, I'm gonna mess this up. Oh, this is just my luck.-_

Get into position. Turn. Trow our right leg up. The left follows. Triple rotation. We land smoothly. The audience goes mad.

 _-Over and over and over again.-_

My body turns and my leg spins around to slam into the ice and to throw myself into the air again for the Lutz and toe loop. I hear Hans' skate slam into the ice as well. I do the same. We rotate. I land. I smile. It was too early. The audience gasps. I look next to me. Hans crashes onto the ice. Shock settles in my stomach. The fear has already left a long time ago, I suddenly realise. Hans _fell_.

 _-I'm sorry for everything oh, everything I've done.-_

Hans never fell before. It was always me. Not that I am such a bad skater, on the contrary. But as I said, I'm not perfect, I just happen to fall sometimes. I'm not flawless. I remember one time, I fell on the ice so hard that I'd broken my hip. I immediately knew it was broken and so I didn't bother to stand up, no matter how hard Jane was shouting at me. I couldn't care for that one moment. I just laid on the ice, sobbing and clutching my thigh. How embarrassed I was. Hans had called the paramedics immediately and rushed to my side to tell me not to move or else I'd make it worse. He held my shoulder and comforted me. That was the first time he had ever been nice to me. I was brought to the hospital where I was taken under surgery immediately. When I got out of the narcosis, he was by my side. I didn't know why he was being so nice. I still don't know today. But I'm grateful that he took care of me, that one moment when he had shown me his heart.

Hans crawled into a sitting position on the ice. _Time to return the favour._ I immediately rush to his side. He looks... defeated... I check for injuries. He brushes me off, he's good. Right, back to improv. I skate in a circle around him, my hand never leaving his cheek. I look at him lovingly. As if we were a pair that was in love.

 _-From the second day I was born it seems I had a loaded gun. And then I shot, shot, shot a hole through everything I loved. Oh I shot, shot, shot a hole through every single thing that I loved.-_

His hand holds my wrist. He slowly turns on his knee and then spins with me until he fully stands. The music goes on. A short intermission with only instruments playing. Hans cups my face in his hands. The audience gasps and goes 'aaawww'. His face is so close. His eyes stare at me. His lively green eyes. I cannot even blink, I am totally in trance. I lean on one toe. The tension is killing me. What is he gonna do ? Is he gonna kiss me ? His lips almost touch mine. _Oh dear Lord._ I feel his breath on my nose. It's warm. I bite my lower lip. Suddenly, he pulls away. His hand is around my neck. He pulls me with him as we glide over the ice again. I stare at him confused. Wow, I can only think, that was close.

 _-In the meantime, we let it go. At the roadside we used to know.-_

I breath heavily. Arms out, as if I'm flying. "Lift." He whispers next to me and immediately lifts me high above his head. I lean my head back and bend my body. I let my worries fly with the wind. I let my fears fly off my body. I let the negative thoughts in my head go. I am letting it all go.

 _-We can let this drift away, oh we let this drift away.-_

Hans places me gently back on the ice. I turn around, my hands meeting his. We push each other away.

 _-At the bay sight, you used to show. In the moonlight, we let it go. We can let this drift away, oh we let this drift away.-_

I skate backwards. A few short jumps right after each other. Backwards cross overs. My eyes meet his once again. We cross each other. Hans' arm stretches out to me. He catches me by the waist and pulls me close.

 _-And there's always time to change your mind, oh there's always time to change your mind.-_

Hans leans in closer to me. "I'm sorry." Is all he says. Did I hear that right ? Did he just apologise for falling ?

"It's alright, you just landed wrong." I whisper back, trying to not make him feel bad about it, although he has rubbed it into my face many times during our practice routines.

He shakes his head and pushes me forward. We start the twizzles. "No, I didn't mean for _that_."

 _-Oh love, can you hear me, oh let it drift away !-_

 _Ooohh. **That**._

This will probably cost us points, but I don't care anymore. What Hans just showed was more important than going home with that gold medal, even though we really want it. No, Hans just showed me that he does have a soul, and that he does have feelings and that he isn't selfish. He does care. I sometimes just can't get a grip on this man. I mean, he was rude and mean to me from the start of our career as a pair, and now he's here on the ice apologising with all his heart. He even put up an apology song ! Should I forgive him ? It would be rude if I didn't. And he put a lot of effort into it too... But he let me down so many times. He hurt my feelings so many times. I can't just forget that ? Can I ?

But he did teach me how to be free, and to not depend on a schedule. He did help me through all of this, I could not have done it without him, that's for sure. He made me feel so... calm and happy. I haven't had this feeling for a long time. Why did he do it ? Why did he ?

Jane will probably shout at us, but you know what, I'll just let it go. She can shout all she wants. What we are doing is beyond figure skating. This is dancing, with your heart. And this feeling, this warm feeling can nobody take away.

The instrumentals play the last part of the song. We go into position for our last spin. I go into the full Bielmann position. My left hand hold my right leg above my head. My whole body is bent backwards. We are spinning around like mad. I let my leg go. His arm unhooks from my bent back. He moves up from his sitting position. He pushes me into the upright dance spin. The guitar keeps playing so we keep spinning. Faster and faster. I bend backwards. He holds my hand so that I won't fall onto the ice. My other arm I stretch out to touch the ice. Cold. My leg bends. My other leg is tangled between his. His arm is high in the air. His foot never leaves the ice. Suddenly, he yanks me up and pulls me against him.

The music stops and Hans slams his toe into the ice. We stop immediately. My head ends up laying on his chest. I feel so physically drained that I literally have to cling onto him so I won't fall. I feel him chuckle. I can hear his heart beating over a thousand times per second. Adrenaline shoots through my veins as I realise that we are done. We finished the song.

The audience stands up to give us a huge standing ovation. The whole stadium is roaring from thrill and excitement. The spot lights shine bright upon us. Like the moon. I hear Hans laugh with joy while his warm left hand rubs my shoulder. I smile while my head never leaves his chest.

I close my eyes as I let the tears come.

* * *

Inspired by; Imagine Dragons. (Obviously)


End file.
